Friday, May 9, 2008

A Sad, Funny, Frustrating, Yucky, but True Story


Yesterday I was driving home from the store. As I turned onto our street I saw a squirrel getting ready to cross the road.
Me: I hope that dumb squirrel doesn't think he has time to run across the road.
Squirrel: I hope that dumb driver doesn't run over me.
Me: I guess I will slow down since he is in the middle of the road.
Squirrel: I guess I will just go ahead and cross since the dumb driver slowed down.
Me: Now I can't even see the dumb squirrel. Where did he go?
Car: Thump.
Me: Omigosh! Did I just hit that dumb squirrel?
I looked in the rearview mirror and sure enough... well, I won't even describe what I saw. But I was pretty upset about it. Said a quick prayer asking forgiveness. Still felt pretty guilty. Came into the house and tried to get my mind off of what had just happened. Still felt soooo bad about it that I could hardly even concentrate on baking the eclairs for the DeLange wedding reception. I called Katie to get some peace of mind.
Me: Katie, guess what I just did? I hit a squirrel. I am pretty sure I killed it.
Kate: Oh Mom, I'll bet you feel really bad about that. I did that once and it made me sick for days. Hey Wes, my mom just hit a squirrel.
Wes: (in the background) Murderer! Killer! Murderer!
Me: Now I feel extra bad about this. I was hoping to get some comfort about it all, and....
Wes: Murderer! Murderer!
We ended the conversation and I began to bake eclairs. Had to take my mind off it somehow. Told Dad about my traumatic experience during his lunch break, while watching Judge Judy.
Judge Judy: Did you kill her cat with a bow and arrow?
Defendant: I thought it was a racoon.
Judge Judy: (screaming) Even if it was a racoon, you CAN'T kill one!! It's against the law! You call Animal Control and they come set traps. YOU CAN'T KILL A RACOON!
Me: But can you kill a squirrel?
Lee drove the opposite way back to work just to see the roadkill. Saw nothing. Hmmm...
Later I realized I needed to make another trip to the grocery store. Went the opposite way to the store just to see the roadkill. Nothing. Whew! I am not a murderer afterall! Maybe the dumb squirrel just had a broken tail. Came back from the store. Put the entire bag of groceries in the fridge, sack and all. Hurrying to get back on track with the eclairs. Finally finished the eclair shells at 8:30 p.m. 8hours after I started. Still had to fill and frost them, but decided to finish up tomorrow.
Had nightmares all night about squirrels.
Friday, a new day. Started early filling and frosting eclairs. Went to make a phone call. Where's my cell phone? Started looking, but no success. Thought about it most of the day while filling and frosting eclairs. Looked out the front window and saw Dad talking to a neighbor.
Neighbor: Did you see the dead squirrel in front of my house yesterday?
Dad: No, I didn't. But my wife... (yes, he ratted on me.)
Neighbor: I love the squirrels. I feed them you know. Peanuts. I feed all the wildlife around here. The birds,the squirrels.
Dad: Oh, really?
Neighbor: I was going to clean it up, but when I came back out it was gone.
Dad: Hmmm.... that's strange.

Finished the eclairs and started looking in earnest for the phone. Looked in the car, looked in my jacket, looked in the clothes I wore yesterday, looked in the washer and dryer, looked in the silverware drawer, looked in the garbage can, looked under the bed, looked in the couch cushions, looked in the piano bench, looked everywhere my body had been in the past 24 hours. Looked for hours, to no avail. Finally gave up and called T-Mobile to suspend service on that phone. Went to bed. Couldn't sleep. Got up to do some serious stress eating. Opened the refrigerator to munch on an eclair. Found the phone in the fridge in a bag of groceries from the day before. Held up my cold phone to my ear and tried to make a call. "Sorry, we cannot complete the call as the service has been temporarily suspended." I guess I am being punished for being a murderer.

6 comments:

Cakas & Lusey said...

Haha wow neither Casey nor I would be very upset about running over a squirrel.

SNOKAO said...

I refuse to even kill small household bugs when Karen wants me to get rid of them. I would rather let them go free outside.

The Staub Squad said...

Wow, how cruel. Whenever I find a cockroach in our house I make a little trail of graham crakers and marshmellows leading out the front door, where it can be reunited with its family. Your neighboor(the crazy) is so sweet to feed the wildlife peanuts.

Jill Land said...

I've never run over anything (that I know of), but what concerns me is that I think I would care more about the mess it would leave on my car. Yuck!

Peggy said...

Hey Jill! Yes, that thought crossed my mind, too. I didn't dare look at my tires. It's good to hear from you!!!!

Chelsea and Evan said...

Evan must take after his mom because whenever we see road kill Evan gets ill. He can handle cadavers, but nothing to do with animals.